Healing from Emotional Abuse: Understanding Gaslighting and Finding Your Way Back

Emotional abuse is a deeply isolating experience. Unlike physical abuse, there are often no visible scars, and the effects can slowly erode your confidence, self-worth, and trust in your own perception. One of the most deceptive forms of emotional abuse is gaslighting.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where someone makes you doubt your reality, memories, or feelings. Over time, this can make you feel “crazy,” anxious, or unable to trust your own judgment. It’s not about what you’re doing wrong, it’s about someone else trying to control your sense of reality.

Mini Checklist: Signs You Might Be Experiencing Gaslighting

• You often feel confused, anxious, or “off-balance” after interactions.

• You apologize frequently, even when you don’t think you did anything wrong.

• You feel like you can’t trust your own memory or perception of events.

• You make excuses for someone else’s behavior, even if it hurts you.

• Friends or family express concern about how you’re being treated, but you defend the abuser.

Behaviors You Might See in a Gaslighter

• Denying things, they said or did, even when you have proof.

• Shifting blame to make you feel responsible for their actions.

• Minimizing your feelings or saying you’re “too sensitive.”

• Using your fears, insecurities, or vulnerabilities against you.

• Isolating you from support systems or questioning your relationships with others.

Common Phrases Gaslighters Might Say

• “You’re imagining things.”

• “You’re too sensitive.”

• “That never happened, you’re remembering it wrong.”

• “Everyone else thinks you’re overreacting.”

• “You made me do it.”

Healing and Finding Your Way Out of the Fog

The hardest part about emotional abuse is the lack of proof. You start doubting yourself, questioning your worth, and wondering if your feelings are valid. The journey to healing often mirrors stages of grief:

1. Denial: You may struggle to admit the abuse is happening.

2. Anger: Realizing you’ve been manipulated can bring intense frustration and hurt.

3. Bargaining: You might replay events in your mind, trying to figure out if things could have been different.

4. Depression/Sadness: Feeling the weight of betrayal and loss.

5. Acceptance/Empowerment: Recognizing the truth, reclaiming your voice, and rebuilding your confidence.

Just like survivors of sexual or physical abuse, emotional abuse survivors face unique challenges, but healing is possible. You don’t need to “prove” the abuse happened to validate your experience. Your feelings are real, your memories are real, and your growth matters.

Moving Forward

Start small: set boundaries, reach out for support, and trust your instincts. Therapy, support groups, or trusted friends can help you piece together your sense of self and reality. Each step is reclaiming your voice, your confidence, and your life.

I’ve been through it myself. It’s confusing, painful, and lonely, but there is hope. You can get out of the fog, see clearly again, and feel whole. Your healing is not just possible; it’s waiting for you.