Anxiety and the Cruel Cycle of Suppression

Anxiety can feel cruel. The more we try to push it away, the stronger its grip becomes. We think we’re controlling it by shoving it down, but in reality, we’re handing it power over us.

Think of it like this: suppressing feelings is like pushing a rubber duck under water. The duck is your anxiety. At first, you might manage with one arm, holding it down so no one sees. But over time, your arm gets tired. You start using two arms, straining to keep it submerged. Eventually, your muscles wear out, and that’s when frustration, irritability, and snappiness show up. Suddenly, you’re overreacting to what’s in front of you, not because of the situation itself, but because you’re exhausted from holding that duck under water.

And when you finally can’t hold it down anymore? The duck doesn’t just quietly rise, it shoots out of the water, splashing everywhere. That’s the over-the-top blowups: yelling, screaming, punching walls. Then you tell yourself, “See, this is why I don’t deal with my feelings, because this happens.” But really, that explosion was caused by suppression, not by the feeling itself.

On the outside, it looks like you don’t have it together. It resembles a toddler’s temper tantrum, or as teens today say, “crashing out.” They glorify losing control, but what’s really happening is an inability to regulate emotions.

Here’s the secret: if instead of holding the duck under, you slowly let it rise to the surface, it’s uncomfortable at first. You’re using new muscles, holding it differently. Change is hard. But eventually, you learn you can release the duck, and when you do, it doesn’t stay stuck, it drifts downstream. Anxiety, when acknowledged, moves on in much the same way.

A Different Approach: Scheduling Anxiety

Sometimes, I even assign clients to invite their anxiety in. For example, if you feel anxious every night at dinner, schedule 10 minutes before dinner as your “anxiety time.”

Here’s why this works:

1. Win #1: You successfully make yourself anxious. Sounds strange, right? But by calling it up, you prove you’re the one in control. You chose to feel it, which means you can also choose to let it go.

2. Win #2: You try to get anxious, and nothing happens. That’s still a win. Why? Because your goal was to free yourself from anxiety, and you did, just in a different way than expected.

Either way, you come out ahead.

Important Note

If you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself or experience suicidal ideation, don’t try this on your own. Please talk with your therapist first and put a safety plan in place. Safety always comes first.

When you stop suppressing anxiety and instead give yourself permission to feel it, you stop being ruled by it. The duck doesn’t need to be forced under water, and you don’t need to exhaust yourself keeping it there.

 The Rubber Duck & Anxiety

A worksheet for understanding and releasing anxiety

Step 1: Understand the Duck

The duck = your anxiety (or any other feeling you try to push away).

Pushing it under the water = suppression.

The longer you push, the more tired you get, and the harder it is to handle what’s in front of you.

Reflection Question:

What feelings do you find yourself “pushing under the water”?

Step 2: Notice the Cost of Suppression

Suppression uses energy.

Over time, it shows up as irritability, snapping at others, frustration, or feeling overwhelmed.

When you finally can’t hold it anymore, the duck pops up, this looks like blowups, shutdowns, or overreactions.

Reflection Question:

What are some signs that you might be “too tired” from holding the duck down?

Step 3: Practice Letting the Duck Rise Slowly

Instead of shoving the duck down, practice gently letting it rise.

At first, this feels uncomfortable, new “muscles” are being used.

But when you practice letting go, the duck doesn’t explode. It floats gently downstream.

Exercise:

Pick one small anxious thought. Instead of pushing it away, sit with it for 1-2 minutes. Notice how it changes when you allow it to simply be there.

Step 4: Schedule Your Anxiety

If anxiety shows up regularly (example: before dinner), try inviting it in on your terms.

Set a timer for 10 minutes and say, “Okay anxiety, this is your time.”

One of two things will happen:

1. You get anxious → you called it in, which means you’re in control.

2. You don’t get anxious → you still win, because your anxiety didn’t show up as expected.

Reflection Question:

When might be a good time in your day to “schedule” your anxiety?

Step 5: Safety First

Important: If you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself or experience suicidal thoughts, do not try this alone. Talk with your therapist and create a safety plan together.

Key Takeaway:

Suppressing anxiety gives it power. Allowing it, even in small doses, helps you take your power back.