Couples Counseling: Growth, Not Guarantees

When couples reach out for therapy, they often hope for a “fix” to their relationship, a guarantee that they will find their happily-ever-after. The truth is couples counseling does not promise a successful relationship. What it does offer is an opportunity: a space to grow, to learn how to communicate more effectively, and to discover trust in yourself and in your partner.

Sometimes, that growth leads to a stronger bond and a renewed sense of connection. Other times, it helps people separate in a healthier, more respectful way, especially when coparenting is involved. The goal is not always staying together; it is building tools that help you thrive, regardless of the outcome.

My Approach to Couples Therapy

Every couple I see has a unique story, set of needs, and goals. While I use the Gottman Method as a foundation, I also integrate family of origin work, values-based exploration, and other therapeutic approaches depending on what emerges. Here’s what the process typically looks like:

Session One:

We begin with paperwork, expectations, and introductions. I take time to get to know each person’s symptoms, history of therapy (both individual and couples), cultural background, and goals for counseling.

Session Two:

I meet with each partner separately for an IPV (intimate partner violence) assessment. This step ensures therapy will not cause harm where deeper safety issues exist. For example, couples therapy may not be appropriate if:

• There is ongoing physical violence.

• A partner is experiencing active suicidal thoughts.

• Substance use or other individual mental health struggles are interfering with progress.

• There is a lack of willingness from one or both partners to participate in the process.

In this session, couples also complete the Sound Relationship House Assessment, which helps identify strengths and areas for growth. I then begin tailoring the treatment plan to their unique needs.

Session Three:

We complete a couples history interview, looking at past strengths, ways they’ve weathered challenges, and how family of origin beliefs shape the present. Afterward, I refine the treatment plan, checking in with the couple to confirm goals and direction.

At this point, the assessment phase concludes its “primary” stage, but in reality, assessment continues throughout therapy until termination.

How Long Does Couples Therapy Take?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. For some, therapy is just a refresher check-in; for others, it may last a year or longer. On average, working through the main sections of the Gottman model takes 10–20 sessions. By session four, I typically have a better sense of the expected timeline.

The frequency also matters: some couples prefer weekly sessions for momentum, while others move to biweekly or monthly meetings as therapy winds down. I often recommend biweekly sessions toward the end so couples can practice skills between sessions and test their readiness to graduate.

There is nothing “wrong” if your timeline looks different. Everyone’s needs are unique.

The Deeper Work

Sometimes, therapy reveals we are not just responding to our partner, but to old wounds from our past. In those cases, I integrate family of origin work, helping couples understand how their upbringing shapes their reactions, beliefs, and expectations today.

I also weave in values exploration, particularly when couples reflect on long-term goals for their relationship, family, and even future generations. This deepens the top layer of the Sound Relationship House: creating shared meaning.

What Makes My Approach Different

While the Gottman Method is research-based, I don’t treat couples as numbers or statistics. I take a collaborative stance, checking in frequently to see how the process feels for each partner. At times, I may put on the “expert hat” and share patterns or data, but ultimately, it’s about whether those insights resonate with you.

My constant priorities in the room are:

• Safety: making sure hard conversations happen without harm.

• Authenticity & Vulnerability: gateways to growth.

• Hope: even if it is only a strand, it is something you can hold onto as you figure out what’s best.

The Reality of Outcomes

With all the preparation, hard work, and love poured into couples counseling, the process still doesn’t guarantee staying together. What it can guarantee is growth, whether that means strengthening your relationship or finding freedom and respect in separation.

Some couples leave therapy feeling more connected than ever. Others leave knowing they are better apart, but also better versions of themselves because of the work they’ve done. Either way, therapy is not about “happily-ever-after.” It’s about giving yourself the chance to learn, grow, and create a healthier foundation for whatever your future holds.

Whether you stay together or go your separate ways, couples counseling is an investment in yourself, your partner, and the life you’re building; together or apart.